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Existential Review Part 15 COMMIT by Sasha Lessin, Ph.D.,
sashalessinphd@... 808 244-4103
[Based on Koestenbaum, P., The New Image of the Person: The Theory
and Practice of Clinical Psychology, Connecticut: Greenwood Press,
1978.]
Now that you've familiarized yourself with the ideals in
earlier lessons, continue the exploration of the existential model of
being starting with the next ideal; then share your results on this
site.
COMMIT (Ideal 13)
Commit yourself by risking attachments (cathexes) to people,
principles, tasks and lifestyles. Commitment (also love) balances
your individuality and independence. You give meaning to your life by
investing your time, energy and interest in other people, in your
life's tasks, in the codes you choose to live by, and in your own
development.
* I commit myself to understand and live by these
PRINCIPLES ... (complete).
* I commit myself these PEOPLE and animals ...
List the names of each. After each name, specify how
you commit yourself.
1
2.
3
4
5* I consciously choose to embody the following
concepts in my style of living... (complete).
GROW IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP
Are you now or do you want to be in a fulfilling, committed
relationship? Such a relationship, according to Everett Shostrom is
essential to your growth and fulfillment as a human being. [Shostrom,
E.,. Actualizing Therapy, San Diego: Edits, 1976.]
When you're committed to making your relationship work, even
though you have differences and occasional conflicts, you have chosen
to use your energy wisely. The key to such a committed growthful
relationship, deciding to openly express your thoughts, emotions and
body needs to your partner and to receive all of your partner's
ideas, feelings and physical expression in a spirit of trust and
compassion. If you do this, you can successfully grow through the
stages of loving fulfillment.
Shostrom identifies the stages in a loving relation as
emphasizing the dimensions of eros, empathy, friendship and
affection. Full development of each of these stages is essential to
your relationship becoming fulfilling and growthful.
The first stage of your relationship, its first six years, is the
erotic stage. It's sexually-based and involves kissing, petting,
depending, jealousy and fighting. You and your partner usually enter
the relationship with idealized, unrealistic images of each other's
worth, beauty and power. Your task during this stage is to realize
your partner is a normal human being with faults and weaknesses, who
is not going to totally take care of all your desires. You learn to
meet your own needs and to enjoy your partner as she or he is.
You learn through constructive fighting to respect each
other's differences. You learn that the sure way to feel your love is
to also express your anger and work it through creatively.
Working out your differences takes you to the second stage in
a growthful relationship: empathy. The empathy stage develops fully
in the sixth to twelfth years of your relationship when you and your
partner deepen your compassion, appreciation and tolerance of your
differences.
As your relationship deepens, in its 13th to 21st years, you
enter the friendship stage. Now you deliberately expand your common
interests by traveling, entertaining and becoming good friends with
other couples.
The culminating stage in a fulfilling relationship is
affection. Here you find "a sense of completion in the spontaneous
joy and achievements" of your partner. You use your resources to
help your partner find fulfillment.
"Love, in its fullest expression," requires elements of all
the stages-- "the power and tenderness of Eros, the understanding and
vulnerability of empathy, the assertion and relatedness of
friendship" and "the responsibility and receptivity" of affection.
When you have all these you make with your -.partner more love,
awareness, creativity and joy than you ever could alone.
* Relate Shostrom's model of development for a committed
relationship to your own, to your parents' or to others'.
sashalessinphd@... 808 244-4103
[Based on Koestenbaum, P., The New Image of the Person: The Theory
and Practice of Clinical Psychology, Connecticut: Greenwood Press,
1978.]
Now that you've familiarized yourself with the ideals in
earlier lessons, continue the exploration of the existential model of
being starting with the next ideal; then share your results on this
site.
COMMIT (Ideal 13)
Commit yourself by risking attachments (cathexes) to people,
principles, tasks and lifestyles. Commitment (also love) balances
your individuality and independence. You give meaning to your life by
investing your time, energy and interest in other people, in your
life's tasks, in the codes you choose to live by, and in your own
development.
* I commit myself to understand and live by these
PRINCIPLES ... (complete).
* I commit myself these PEOPLE and animals ...
List the names of each. After each name, specify how
you commit yourself.
1
2.
3
4
5* I consciously choose to embody the following
concepts in my style of living... (complete).
GROW IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP
Are you now or do you want to be in a fulfilling, committed
relationship? Such a relationship, according to Everett Shostrom is
essential to your growth and fulfillment as a human being. [Shostrom,
E.,. Actualizing Therapy, San Diego: Edits, 1976.]
When you're committed to making your relationship work, even
though you have differences and occasional conflicts, you have chosen
to use your energy wisely. The key to such a committed growthful
relationship, deciding to openly express your thoughts, emotions and
body needs to your partner and to receive all of your partner's
ideas, feelings and physical expression in a spirit of trust and
compassion. If you do this, you can successfully grow through the
stages of loving fulfillment.
Shostrom identifies the stages in a loving relation as
emphasizing the dimensions of eros, empathy, friendship and
affection. Full development of each of these stages is essential to
your relationship becoming fulfilling and growthful.
The first stage of your relationship, its first six years, is the
erotic stage. It's sexually-based and involves kissing, petting,
depending, jealousy and fighting. You and your partner usually enter
the relationship with idealized, unrealistic images of each other's
worth, beauty and power. Your task during this stage is to realize
your partner is a normal human being with faults and weaknesses, who
is not going to totally take care of all your desires. You learn to
meet your own needs and to enjoy your partner as she or he is.
You learn through constructive fighting to respect each
other's differences. You learn that the sure way to feel your love is
to also express your anger and work it through creatively.
Working out your differences takes you to the second stage in
a growthful relationship: empathy. The empathy stage develops fully
in the sixth to twelfth years of your relationship when you and your
partner deepen your compassion, appreciation and tolerance of your
differences.
As your relationship deepens, in its 13th to 21st years, you
enter the friendship stage. Now you deliberately expand your common
interests by traveling, entertaining and becoming good friends with
other couples.
The culminating stage in a fulfilling relationship is
affection. Here you find "a sense of completion in the spontaneous
joy and achievements" of your partner. You use your resources to
help your partner find fulfillment.
"Love, in its fullest expression," requires elements of all
the stages-- "the power and tenderness of Eros, the understanding and
vulnerability of empathy, the assertion and relatedness of
friendship" and "the responsibility and receptivity" of affection.
When you have all these you make with your -.partner more love,
awareness, creativity and joy than you ever could alone.
* Relate Shostrom's model of development for a committed
relationship to your own, to your parents' or to others'.
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