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Existential Review Part 18 ENCOUNTER AND LOVE OTHERS by Sasha Lessin, Ph.D., sashalessinphd@aol.com 808 244-4103
[Based on Koestenbaum, P., The New Image of the Person: The Theory and Practice of Clinical Psychology, Connecticut: Greenwood Press, 1978.]
Now that you’ve familiarized yourself with the ideals in earlier lessons, continue the exploration of the existential model of being starting with the next ideal; then share your results on this site.
ENCOUNTER AND LOVE OTHERS (Ideal 15)
Simultaneously experience your current level of self-identification (subpersonality, personality, bodymind, etc.), the uniqueness of the nonself you encounter (shadow, body, other person, another culture, etc.) and the joy and excitement of recognizing you and the other are a single field of consciousness.
Referring to the bodymind level of love, Koestenbaum writes, "I can choose to meet, confront, witness, understand, and be mirrored by another. I can also choose to love him or her and care for him or her. l am capable of loving like an adult. I can love spiritually and I can love ,physically. In love I can accept the dignity and the needs of my partner in love. I enjoy spiritual, emotional, and physical love and love is easy and natural for me." You and the person you reciprocally love transcend your respective identifications as isolated bodyminds. You recognize your differences and the unique contributions you each have to make to the intimate dyadic consciousness you become.
LOVE AND ENCOUNTER UNIQUE OTHER
The exercise below is heighten your awareness of your respective unique backgrounds. It is also designed for you to reflect upon your relationship from your dyadic consciousness.
Your Relationship
Think of someone emotionally important to you and with whom you are in regular (at least weekly) contact (directly, person-to-person, not phone or letter). If you have a spouse, lover, or sweetheart with whom you regularly spend time, think of this person. For this exercise, refer to this person as your "significant other."
Write the name of your significant other. Put her or his picture in front of you.
Describe your relations with this person from your perspective.
Describe your relationship with your other from his or her perspective. If your other will tell you how she or he views your relationship, record what is said. If your other is unavailable for comment, fantasize her or his view, label it "guessing," and record it. Chapters of Other's Life
Write the chapters of your significant other's life. The best way to do this is with the help of your other. If she or he agrees to help you, share with her/him the chapters of your life as a model. If she/he declines to help you, write the chapters anyway, as best you can, and indicate these circumstances.
Make a list of 8-12 chapters. Start with the birth and family situation into which she/he was born. Include childhood and adolescent chapters from your other's lifebook, for these are the years during which her/his current attitudes were greatly formed. Include your other's present life chapter. Also speculate on her/his future chapters.
Put the approximate years for each chapter of your other's life. For each chapter, write the main events.
For each chapter, note the main self-feelings of your other.
For each chapter, note the important persons and describe their relation- ship with your other.
Make a similar table of contents for your own lifebook.
Share your lifebook with your other. If you have written a speculative lifebook's contents for your other, share this for commentary and revision. Get to know each other's unique individual history in greater detail and broader scope.
History of Your Relationship
* Write the chapters of your relationship with your significant other. Specify the phases of your relationship and the years, events, people, and feelings for each chapter. Begin with your initial encounters and the early impressions you had of each other. Share and discuss with your other.
FUNCTIONAL ANALYSIS OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP [Inspiration: Corrierre, R., and Hart, J., Psychological Fitness, New York: Harcourt, Brace, Jovanovich, 1979.]
Analyze your relationship with your most significant other in terms of how active, feeling, expressive, understanding, and contacting you are in the relationship. Plot your analysis on the following graph, where 5 = very much and I = very little.
Circle the elements of your graph which are out of balance. Choose a small, easy-to-do step to achieve greater balance in your relationship. Take your step daily for one week.
***
Review: THE EXISTENTIAL PRINCIPLES (See each on this site):
Realize the reciprocal INTERPLAY between you and what you experience; learn of field theory, intentionality.
Experience yourself at several LEVELS OF CONSCIOUSNESS.
Acknowledge that you are responsible; CHOOSE your attitudes and reactions.
Consciously experience your ever-developing sense of yourself as an individual and as humanity (phenomenologically SELF-DISCLOSE.)
Value PAIN and ANXIETY as opportunities to learn.
Use limits to make your life meaningful; reflect upon NEGATION, FINITUDE and DEATH.
Live and reflect using phenomenological bracketing (EPOCHE)
Be INDEPENDENT, SELF-RELIANT and SUBJECTIVE (to balance out love and commitment.)
Realize your own unique, creative INDIVIDUALITY.
Experience TRANSCENDENTAL SUBJECTIVITY; revere this core self of each and all consciousness.
Realize you are free to CHOOSE your own values and self-concepts
Accept GUILT for your choices as signals to do better.
Say YES to life. COMMIT yourself. Be REALISTIC.
LOVE and encounter others. Be FLEXIBLE and adaptable
Experience time living now, using the past, focused on your future.
GROW; expand and transcend your self-definition.
Use contradictions, polarities, paradoxes and ambiguities as opportunities to establish dialogues and DIALECTICS leading to further growth.
sashalessinphd@aol.com
[Based on Koestenbaum, P., The New Image of the Person: The Theory and Practice of Clinical Psychology, Connecticut: Greenwood Press, 1978.]
Now that you’ve familiarized yourself with the ideals in earlier lessons, continue the exploration of the existential model of being starting with the next ideal; then share your results on this site.
ENCOUNTER AND LOVE OTHERS (Ideal 15)
Simultaneously experience your current level of self-identification (subpersonality, personality, bodymind, etc.), the uniqueness of the nonself you encounter (shadow, body, other person, another culture, etc.) and the joy and excitement of recognizing you and the other are a single field of consciousness.
Referring to the bodymind level of love, Koestenbaum writes, "I can choose to meet, confront, witness, understand, and be mirrored by another. I can also choose to love him or her and care for him or her. l am capable of loving like an adult. I can love spiritually and I can love ,physically. In love I can accept the dignity and the needs of my partner in love. I enjoy spiritual, emotional, and physical love and love is easy and natural for me." You and the person you reciprocally love transcend your respective identifications as isolated bodyminds. You recognize your differences and the unique contributions you each have to make to the intimate dyadic consciousness you become.
LOVE AND ENCOUNTER UNIQUE OTHER
The exercise below is heighten your awareness of your respective unique backgrounds. It is also designed for you to reflect upon your relationship from your dyadic consciousness.
Your Relationship
Think of someone emotionally important to you and with whom you are in regular (at least weekly) contact (directly, person-to-person, not phone or letter). If you have a spouse, lover, or sweetheart with whom you regularly spend time, think of this person. For this exercise, refer to this person as your "significant other."
Write the name of your significant other. Put her or his picture in front of you.
Describe your relations with this person from your perspective.
Describe your relationship with your other from his or her perspective. If your other will tell you how she or he views your relationship, record what is said. If your other is unavailable for comment, fantasize her or his view, label it "guessing," and record it. Chapters of Other's Life
Write the chapters of your significant other's life. The best way to do this is with the help of your other. If she or he agrees to help you, share with her/him the chapters of your life as a model. If she/he declines to help you, write the chapters anyway, as best you can, and indicate these circumstances.
Make a list of 8-12 chapters. Start with the birth and family situation into which she/he was born. Include childhood and adolescent chapters from your other's lifebook, for these are the years during which her/his current attitudes were greatly formed. Include your other's present life chapter. Also speculate on her/his future chapters.
Put the approximate years for each chapter of your other's life. For each chapter, write the main events.
For each chapter, note the main self-feelings of your other.
For each chapter, note the important persons and describe their relation- ship with your other.
Make a similar table of contents for your own lifebook.
Share your lifebook with your other. If you have written a speculative lifebook's contents for your other, share this for commentary and revision. Get to know each other's unique individual history in greater detail and broader scope.
History of Your Relationship
* Write the chapters of your relationship with your significant other. Specify the phases of your relationship and the years, events, people, and feelings for each chapter. Begin with your initial encounters and the early impressions you had of each other. Share and discuss with your other.
FUNCTIONAL ANALYSIS OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP [Inspiration: Corrierre, R., and Hart, J., Psychological Fitness, New York: Harcourt, Brace, Jovanovich, 1979.]
Analyze your relationship with your most significant other in terms of how active, feeling, expressive, understanding, and contacting you are in the relationship. Plot your analysis on the following graph, where 5 = very much and I = very little.
Circle the elements of your graph which are out of balance. Choose a small, easy-to-do step to achieve greater balance in your relationship. Take your step daily for one week.
***
Review: THE EXISTENTIAL PRINCIPLES (See each on this site):
Realize the reciprocal INTERPLAY between you and what you experience; learn of field theory, intentionality.
Experience yourself at several LEVELS OF CONSCIOUSNESS.
Acknowledge that you are responsible; CHOOSE your attitudes and reactions.
Consciously experience your ever-developing sense of yourself as an individual and as humanity (phenomenologically SELF-DISCLOSE.)
Value PAIN and ANXIETY as opportunities to learn.
Use limits to make your life meaningful; reflect upon NEGATION, FINITUDE and DEATH.
Live and reflect using phenomenological bracketing (EPOCHE)
Be INDEPENDENT, SELF-RELIANT and SUBJECTIVE (to balance out love and commitment.)
Realize your own unique, creative INDIVIDUALITY.
Experience TRANSCENDENTAL SUBJECTIVITY; revere this core self of each and all consciousness.
Realize you are free to CHOOSE your own values and self-concepts
Accept GUILT for your choices as signals to do better.
Say YES to life. COMMIT yourself. Be REALISTIC.
LOVE and encounter others. Be FLEXIBLE and adaptable
Experience time living now, using the past, focused on your future.
GROW; expand and transcend your self-definition.
Use contradictions, polarities, paradoxes and ambiguities as opportunities to establish dialogues and DIALECTICS leading to further growth.
sashalessinphd@aol.com
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